Thursday, February 5, 2009

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“I have to leave soon”

Last night I thought about dying.

I thought about jumping in front of a truck on the street,
and then being shot forward so fast
and at an angle,
that another car going to opposite direction
would hit me as well,
and then I would be propelled though the air,
going at a different direction and at a different speed
until I hit the ground,
which at that point,
would probably feel okay.

I thought about going into Wal-Greens
and buying four bottles of sleeping pills.
I would be crying by the time I got to the cash register
and I wouldn’t even look the person in the eyes.
I thought about how long it would take me to consume
four bottles of sleeping pills.
I would line them all out on the floor
like domino’s,
and then move my body around the room
until I ate all of them,
one by one.

Then I thought about closing my eyes
and letting my bike roll though a busy intersection.
I would hear the screeching of tires
and the lonely sound of car horns honking.

That seemed too easy,
so I thought about driving into the country
and finding an isolated spot on a hill
to dig a deep hole into the earth.
Then I would put the dirt back into the hole loosely,
so that I could crawl to the bottom
and disappear.


I thought for so long about these things yesterday,
and then I took three sleeping pills at six o’clock in the afternoon,
woke up at one in the morning,
took four more sleeping pills,
and then woke up today at noon
to the sound of light rain and also to the sound of cars driving in the light rain.
I felt so far away from myself
that I thought I was still dreaming or maybe even already dead.

I couldn’t tell if I was a living person dreaming of death,
or a dead person dreaming of being alive.
It was a strange thought
that caught me
off guard.


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This is a picture I drew of Andy Riverbed in the form of an over weight ferret.

I like it alot when people look like their pets and I think he looks alot like his pet, Popcorn.

Popcorn can be seen at the end of the "Utterly Confused" video.


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This is a person from Maine.

He probably wakes up early in the morning everyday and feels depressed.

Everyone in the state of Maine probably wakes up early and feels depressed.

I live in Florida and I wake up sometime in the afternoon or early evening and then go back to sleep because of these things.

2 comments:

  1. i like the poem about buying sleeping pills at walgreens. i used to work at walgreens.

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  2. the person from maine has a good forehead. feel insane commenting on this 3 years later but oh well i guess

    ReplyDelete