i am sorry but i started to hate you.
every time i thought about you there was a lot of bad things that surfaced.
i became immobile and mute and couldn't find anything to say.
just sort of laid around in a hot apartment, sweating and staring at things.
i kind of gave up on you and then started drinking every night
and this lead up until last night when i blacked out and i can't remember anything.
someone said they saw me in some apartment at 3 a.m. dancing to Tupac.
this to me is completely believable and i wish i could recall that happening.
today i am in control of my emotions.
i went to the library and checked out "pet sounds" by the beach boys.
i sat around in my living room and listened to this three times consecutively.
i went to the grocery store and used the rest of my food stamp money for the month ($14)
to buy five cans of beans, a bag of red onions, and the cheapest espresso i could find.
i then said "i love america" but in a sarcastic tone implying that i didn't mean what i said.
going to play some shows the next couple of days.
one in orlando and then somewhere else and then this show:
okay. i am going to go somewhere else now.